Suction is key.

I am 31 years old. What does a sophisticated not-so-young woman buy herself to celebrate 31 years? A new vacuum. I love it. My old vacuum has served many years faithfully, but it, to put it mildly, sucked. Or rather it did not suck. Suction is key. I felt like I was coaxing the dirt up the little tunnel. "Come on dirt. Get in there!" Even a small bead was too much for the old vacuum to handle.

So, tonight was the night. Costco and I had a date. I arrived home with my smart new vacuum and swept the entire house. Talk about a good time! I've never seen dust bunnies tremble so much. What a great feeling to simply get near the dirt and have it fly up into the vacuum. I even dusted the baseboards just by passing the sweeper over it! Whoosh! It was gone!

But the vinyl in the bathroom was the best. The dirt came flying toward me from all directions like I was the freakin' Pied Piper of Hamelin. Don't worry, little filth, I am not the Pied Piper. I am the GRIM REAPER!

Er...Giddy Reaper?